iWork. iProgress.

5 months ago

Checking out

This wil be my last entry on this blog. Ima create another blog and slide under the radar like I was when I first starte this one. I can’t even really say what I feel on here because too many ppl have access to it and I simply don’t want them knowing shit about me. Why read my shit if u have clearly shown me my lack of importance in ur life.

I was gonna delete this blog completely but I wanna come back to it his to reminisce on how I believed in love once upon a time.

Love: everyone wants it but not everyone gets it.

It’s been a journey ….. Time to start another. Shout out to those who took the time to read my shit. You are now apart of me.

❤and✌

5 months ago

late night wondering

they want us to feel powerless but we are the majority. while there is a war going on overseas, there is a war brewing here on the homeland. no one sees it, no one is connecting the dots. it takes a lot of bravery to face the world and be yourself. and not conform. i made a decision to do my best to resist at an early age. they implant fear in our hearts and greed into our minds. those two things conflict with one another because they alter your better judgement, nd it blinds your intuition. no body is talkn about the war, no one is protesting the way. look how ppl did for vietnam? this war is gonna go on until our kids are adults ….. why doesnt that strike a chord with anyone.

we are all guilty of looking the other way …… its much easier to fit in than stand out, but why? because we were taught to fit in. throughout elementary what were taught? to receit, to act the same, to look the same. all these uniform ideas in the schools. they are slowly but surely taking away our individuality. its a scary scary thought. it scares me.

5 months ago

Before I do that thing u like …. I wanna take my time nd do it right. Indulge in what u give get lost in ur giving ….. rejoice in ur healing …. savior this feeling ….

Ur touch melts into my skin … caressing me deep inside…. u are my deepest truth …. I cannot hide …..

You inhale and take a hold of me …. exhale nd release my fears that inhabit me …. swimming in my fantasy but u shelter me ….. as I explore all the possibilities nd taste what could be ….. nd in you I see…..

No vanity …. pure as nature has made ….. the faithful virtue GOd laid …. its in ur shade, I lay nd rest …. take refuge upon ur breast …. nd sync my heart with urs …. nd we are one …. basking in ur warmth as glorious as the springs sun ….. nd there I will stay until dusk becomes dawn.

5 months ago

thoughts…..

hearing her voice made me feel …… good. i smiled the whole time…… but at the end of the day, it doesnt mean a thing …. does it? although ive learned to accept responsibility for my actions, and to face the concequences of my mistakes, i feel like im tired of making mistakes. i feel like subconsciously i might telling me i dont deserve the good things that come to me so i selfdestruct.

i wish i had another chance, but i know i dont deserve it…… maybe i am setting myself up for another heartache cause i know she is in a relationship. im not expecting her to leave who she is wit …… that would be nice but i know its not logical. thats fantasy. whats real, is that i fuckd up, she moved on …….. ::shrug:: guess thats the just of it huh. smh ….. fml …….. literally.

i am still angry at myself.

5 months ago

Adele - Someone Like You

5 months ago

Almost

I’m almost to that point of no looking back. It feels so good….. it feels good to feel free again. Mayn that was a journey. I’m almost to the point when I can speak on it freely …. with no wincing from pain. No tears in my eyes …. small victories.

5 months ago

despite my weekly meltdowns, i still feel like its getting better. when i get angry ……. its beyond tragic. i feel like i am a different person, which obviously isnt healthy. i guess ive just adapted this way of dealing with my anger, a way that isnt working anymore. i use to be able to push it down. dim it out. control it. let things go. now its increasingly hard to do so. i just cant keep pushing it off anymore. its my fault tho that i allowed it to get this bad. i dont even think i can call it anger anymore. its more along the lines of rage…….. thats it ….. rage.

its the anger from multiple things all together creating this rage that i feel. for the most part, im angry at myself for loving her so openly. for not protecting myself. for not seeing her for who she really is. im angry for giving in all those times i should have walked away. at the end of the day, i guess i cant really be mad at her ….. i made the decision to love, to give, to be there …….

im also mad for choosing her over neo soul…… when will i learn.

5 months ago

"Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle."

- Napoleon Hill

5 months ago

anger……

the intensity of it was unreal. it came out of no where…… or i guess i should say that i didnt know that i was THAT angry……. no point in elaborating ……. i just know i will never in my fuckn life let another person cut me this deep again.

6 months ago

set backs

i txt her …… smh …. that was a major fuckn set back. i didnt even go back nd read what i said the next morning because i really didnt care. like it was pointless for me to send the txt anyway. im actually really really glad she didnt reply. and i am hoping that by some miracle she didnt get them mfs. but thats not how my life works.

but the way i felt the next day was stoopid nd foolish. i realized that i had no reason to txt her. cause i really didnt mean whatever i said. if i meant it, i wouldnt have regrets about sending it anyway. well iuno what it said to try to decipher the parts i did mean and didnt mean. but again that shit don really matter. i just know that it will most definitely not happen again. fuck that.

i cant even describe the disappointment i felt. i was sooooo fuckn disappointed in myself because im better than that. but whats done is done. and again i am not gonna make that mistake again.

on another note …… im starting to feel like me again. nd im honestly enjoying it.

6 months ago

"i just dont believe anymore."

6 months ago

just as it should

i think a lot. i think its just a habit more than a process …. im use to solitude. im use to not being around a lot of ppl im use to not having many friends, im use to not having to worry about other peoples feelings. anyway, i was just sittn here …. thinkn …. nd ive replayed the past three months of my life that has lead me to this exact moment. and it all happened exactly as it should have. everything had its purpose. sometimes i htink its useful to replay things over in your head because then you kinda get an outside lookn in point of view. and sometimes you may think like , well if i hadnt done this or that …. but truth is ….. if you hadnt …. what would you be sacrificing if you hadnt. what peace, what clarity, what love, ….. what would you be losing to go back and change that moment. then you ask yourself would it be worth it. if changing that moment is worth sacraficing those things ….. the answer will probably be no. because if i go back ….. im losing strength.

im grateful that i had the chance to love once again. because i know what it feels like to be without love, without feelings …. to seriously not give a fuck whether you lived or died. ….. anyway, im grateful.

6 months ago

pain killers nd crown

cheers nd tears to letting go …… i wish her the best.

6 months ago

"one day i wont feel this way ……"

6 months ago

for the first time

i see her name in my messenger list and dont feel the desire to say something.

Checking out

late night wondering

thoughts…..

Almost

anger……

set backs

just as it should

pain killers nd crown

for the first time

Following

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